Special High Intensity Training

In order to assure the highest levels of quality and productivity from employees, it

will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of

Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.).

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than any other firm.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager.

You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who do not take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in our Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will be directed to Employee Attitude Training (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.).

Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you're already full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List > > (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.).

Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to the Directory of Intensity Programming (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.)

If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).

Thank you