That's Funny Sh*t

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'

'What do you mean?' said the pirate. 'I feel fine.'
'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'
'We were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.'
'OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?'

'In another battle I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was
Cut off and I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really.'
'What about that eye patch?'

'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye.'

'You're kidding. You lost an eye from bird shit?'
'Well It was my first day with the hook.