Understanding Engineers

Understanding Engineers #1 

          Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" 

          The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on         this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
       The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
          
          Understanding Engineers #2          
          To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the
            glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
          
          Understanding  Engineers #3          
          A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
             The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
          The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
          The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's
            wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
          The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always             let them play for free anytime!"
          The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
            them tonight."
          The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if here's anything she can do for them."
          The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
          
          Understanding Engineers #4
                     What is the difference between mechanical engineers and architect?          

          Mechanical engineers build weapons,  architects build targets.
          
          Understanding Engineers #5
          
          The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
          
          The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
          
          The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
          
          The graduate with an architectural degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?”
          
          Understanding          Engineers #6          
          Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
          One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
          Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
          The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else  would run a toxic waste
          pipeline through a recreational area?"
          
          Understanding Engineers #7
                     Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't
          have enough features yet.
          
          Understanding  Engineers #8          
          An architect was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said,  "If you kiss me, I'll turn
          into a beautiful princess."
          He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
          The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you
          for one week."
          The architect took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
          The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and
          do anything you want."
          Again, the  architect took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
          Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and I’ll do anything         you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
          The architect said, "Look, I'm an architect. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
          
          And Finally
          
          Two engineers???
          
          Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
          A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
          "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
          The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape  measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
          One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
          Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving as elected members of the US  Congress.