Group

A man saved his girlfriend's phone number on his mobile as 'Low Battery '. 

Whenever she calls him, and he has left his phone at home, his wife sees it and plugs it into the charger. 
Give that man a medal. 
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Government Survey 
A government survey has shown that 91 percent of illegal immigrants come to Canada so they can see their own doctor.
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Got a new Jack Russell pup today. He's mainly black and brown with just a small white area.

I've called him Toronto.

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They say that sex is the best form of exercise. 

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that 30 seconds every 3 months is doing much for this beer belly.