St Patrick's Day

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all
day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's
Day.

Mick, the bartender says, " You'll not be drinking
anymore tonight Paddy.
Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He
falls flat on his face. "Shoite" he says and pulls
himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his
face, "Shoite, Shoite!"
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if
he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll
be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the
door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a
deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and
takes a step onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his
face.
"Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked," he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls
to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens
the door and shimmies inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin'
way".
He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says
"I can make it to the bed."
He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his
face.
He says "Fock it" and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room
carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did
you have a bit to drink last night?".
Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But
how'd you know?"
Mick phoned, . . . You left your wheelchair at the
pub."