For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find
ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my friends generous genealogy efforts, you can now
respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe
Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner
of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack
Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six
children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the
twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt..

Against her parents' objections,
Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After
being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced Noe Schitt later
married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted
to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt
Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced
a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children,
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and
subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The
wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens
nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens
children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son,
left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy
with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone
says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt