1.  AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES  BY GETTING SOMEONE
ELSE  TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU  CHOP
2.  AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING  THE TOILET SEAT BY
USING  THE SINK.
 
3.  FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT  YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR
A  FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR  VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE
A  TIMER.
 
4.  A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK  WILL PREVENT YOU FROM
ROLLING  OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE  SNOOZE BUTTON.
5.  IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF  LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE
AFRAID  TO COUGH.
6.  YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT  TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T
MOVE  AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE  AND DOES, USE THE
DUCT  TAPE.
 
7.  IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN  ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY  THOUGHT:  
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES  - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY  BRING
A  SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE  STAIRS.
 
 
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