Sunday, February 28, 2010

AMERICA NEEDS A CANDIDATE WITH THIS PLATFORM!!



I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT IN THE YEAR 2012..

HERE IS MY PLATFORM:

(1). Any use of the phrase: 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait outside of our borders until you can.

(2). We will immediately go into a two year isolationist attitude in order to straighten out the greedy big business posture in this country. America will allow NO imports, and we'll do no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart 's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.' We'll make it here and sell it here!

(3). When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it coming in here.

(4). All retired military personnel will be required to man one of the many observation towers located on the southern border of the United States (six month tour). They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.

(5). Social Security will immediately return to itsoriginal state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. Neither the President nor any other politician will be able to touch it..


(6). Welfare. -- Checks will be handed out on Fridays, at the end of the 40 hour school week, the successful completion of a urinalysis test for drugs, and passing grades.

(7). Professional Athletes -- Steroids? The FIRST time you check positive you're banned from sports ... for life.

(8). Crime -- We will adopt the Turkish method, i.e., the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more 'life sentences'. If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for the victim you killed: gun, knife, strangulation, etc.

(9). One export of ours will be allowed: wheat; because the world needs to eat. However, a bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.

(10). All foreign aid, using American taxpayer money, will immediately cease and the saved money will help to pay off the national debt and, ultimately, lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask The American People if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision as to whether, or not, it's a worthy cause.

(11). The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.

(12). The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.

My apology is offered if I've stepped on anyone's toes ...... nevertheless....


GOD BLESS AMERICA !


Sincerely, Bill Cosby

Somebody has finally made an orthopedic bed just for MEN.



Can be ordered in three firmness levels.....
"Saline, Silicone or Natural" in sizes C - DDDD......
Anyone wanting less than a C should just sleep on the floor.
Available only at 'Butts, Boobs & Beyond'

Best Friend

THE 5 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's Braille for 'suck here'.

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING ?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...

BONUS QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

Nominated as the world's best short joke
A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.'Mum', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied.

Newfoundland Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, a Newfoundland couple decided
that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his
doctor/veterinarian and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor tol him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the
problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to
go home, get a firecracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear
And count to 10.

The Newfie said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't
see how putting a firecracker in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a firecracker and put it in
a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:
"1" "2" "3" "4" "5" at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his
legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Quebec and some parts of Saskatchewan.

Old Timers Sex

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, with a chuckle, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.

"I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble.", so he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks..

Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence..

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen.

This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises, moaning and screaming.

Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on.

The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, 'This is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.'

As the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else.
You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence!'

Circumcised (this is priceless!)

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said. 'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.'

KIDS ; DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THEM??

What a Musician

video

Blonds 1.0

Why are Raincoats Yellow?


Any more Questions ?

Friday, February 26, 2010

Mrs. Donovan was walking down
O'Connell Street in Dublin when
she met up with Father Flaherty.

The Father said, 'Top O the mornin'
to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan
and didn't I marry ye and yer
hoosband two years ago?'

She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'

The Father asked, 'And be there
any wee little ones yet?'

She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'

The Father said, 'Well now,
I'm going to Rome next week
and I'll light a candle for ye
and yer hoosband.'

She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.'
They then parted ways.

Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, 'Well now,
Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'
She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Father asked, 'And tell me,
have ye any wee ones yet?'

She replied, 'Oh yes, Father!
Two sets of twins and six singles,
ten in all!'

The Father said, 'That's wonderful!
How is yer loving hoosband doing?'

She replied, 'E's gone to Rome
to blow out yer fookin' candle.'

Only In Texas

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.
He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York
And is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston , TX .
He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says, "License and registration, please."

"What for?" says the lawyer.

The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

"You still didn't come to a complete stop," says the deputy. "License and registration, please."


The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

"The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law.
License and registration, please!" the Deputy repeats.

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop,
I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket.
If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says.
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts
Beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says,
"Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"


God Bless Texas

Translating Cree Story

An Cree Indian, walking through a field, sees a man using his hand as a scoop to drink water from a pond.

The Indian calls out to the man,
'kâya minihkwê anima nipiy. mostos omêyi anima êkota kâ-minihkwêyan'
(Translation: Don't drink that water. It's full of cowshit!)

The man shouts back, 'I'm English! Can't you speak English! Are you completely ignorant, you asshole?!'

The Indian calls back, 'Use both hands. You'll get more.'
An American tourist asks an Irish fisherman:
"Why do Scuba Divers always fall backwards off their boats into the water?"

To which the Irishman replies

"If dey fell forwards they'd still be in the fookin' boat."

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...

"Of course I won't laugh", said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy'
The nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery .
Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing.

Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.

"I am so sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a nurse and a lady, I
promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

..."It's swollen," Fred replied.

She ran out of the room

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Restaurant Choice

A group of 40 year old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.

Friday, February 12, 2010

The Pope and Tiger Woods

The Pope and Tiger woods died on the same day and because of an
administrative mix up the Pope went to hell and Tiger Woods went to
heaven.
The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in hell, and
after checking the paperwork admits that there is an error. "However",
the clerk explains, "it would be 24 hours before it can be rectified".

Next day the Pope is called and Hell's staff bids him farewell.

On the way up, the Pope meets Tiger Woods coming down from heaven and
they stop to have a chat.

"Sorry about the mix up", apologies the Pope "No problem" replied Tiger
Woods,

Pope: "I am really anxious to get to heaven"
Tiger: "Why is that?"
Pope: "All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary"
Tiger: "You're a day late"=

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,
she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
what he had to say for himself.

The man replied,
'Well your Honor, it was like this:
when the lady got on the bus,
I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said,
'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time
and sat under a sign that said,
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'
... I just lost it.'

'CASE DISMISSED

Thursday, February 11, 2010

FOR THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER ....

Hollywood Squares:

These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course...


Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it...

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..

Q.. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD, WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING!

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses; the results were pretty interesting:

30% of women think their ass is too fat............

10% of women think their ass is too skinny.......

The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man and they wouldn't trade him for the world.
Newfie, a little man, was sitting at a bar in Toronto when this huge,
burly American guy walks in. As he passes the Newfie, he hits him on the
neck knocking him to the floor. The big, burly Yank says, "That's a karate
chop from Korea." Well, the little Newfie gets back on his barstool and
resumes drinking his beer.
The burly American then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by
the Newfie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the
floor. That's a judo chop from Japan", he says.
The little Newfie decides he's had enough and leaves. A half hour later he
comes back and sees the burly American sitting at the bar.
He walks up behind him and whacks him on the head, knocking him out.
The Newfie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up, tell him that was a
fuckin' hockey stick from Canadian Tire."
Camilla bought a new pair of shoes for her wedding which got increasingly tighter & tighter as the day went on. That night after the festivities were finally over, she & Charles had retired to their room at the palace.

Camilla flopped on the bed and said 'Please remove my shoes darling, ones feet are killing one.'

Ever obedient, the Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour, but it would not budge.

'Harder' yelled Camilla.

'Harder?' Charles yelled back, 'I'm trying darling! But it's just so bloody tight!'

'Come on give it all you've got' she cried.

Finally when it released, Charles let out a big groan, and Camilla exclaimed 'Oh God, that feels so good.'

In their bedroom next door the Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said,
'See, I told you she would still be a virgin with a face like that!'

Meanwhile back in the other bedroom, Charles was attempting to remove the other shoe when he cried out 'Oh God, darling this ones even tighter'

At which point Prince Phillip turned and said to the Queen:
'That's my boy, Once a Navy man, always a Navy man!'

Friday, February 05, 2010

Making a baby

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to....'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'


Mrs. Smith fainted

Mint Flavored Birth Control Pill:

The Cadbury's Candy Co. and Merck Drug Co. have combined
to market the new Mint flavored birth control pill that women may
take immediately before sex.

The Pill will be distributed by the large major drug store chains
and Wal-Mart's Pharmacies.

They're going to be called....


"Pre-dick-a-mints!"

Thursday, February 04, 2010

canadian wives

The first man married a woman from North Carolina . He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from South Carolina . He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.


The third man married a girl from CANADA . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.
An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.

The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds’.

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!

'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?'

The Irishman nodded... 'I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.'

'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.

'No, from the ****** skippin.'

TWO DIFFERENT DOCTORS' OFFICES

Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then. Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The FIRST is a Golden Retriever. The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.

Next time take me to a vet!

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

WORLD WAR III IN THE PLANNING STAGES

EX President Bush and EX VP Cheney are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, 'Isn't that Bush and Cheney sitting over there?'

The bartender says, 'Yep, that's them.'
So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor! What are you guys doing in here?'

Bush says, 'We're planning WW III .'
The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'
Cheney says, 'Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.'

The guy exclaimed, 'A blonde with big tits?



why kill a blonde with big tits?'


Cheney turns to Bush and says, 'See, I told you, no one gives a shit about the 140 million Muslims.

Monday, February 01, 2010

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

Just in case any of you may be having security concerns, I thought I would pass this suggestion I received from a friend along. HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a second hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4 Leave a note on your door that reads:

"Bubba,

Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.

Better wait outside. Be right back.

Cooter

IT'S THE PITS TO BE SO DARN SMART

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome.. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."
The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"

The old man said, "I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"