Monday, August 23, 2010

Why She Changed Hotels!

Last week, a woman checked into the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."
She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Damon - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a quarter off his well oiled butt.... You get the picture.
She figured, what the heck, she'll give him a call.
"Hello, ma'am, how may I help you?" . . . Oh my, she felt he sounded sooo sexy!
Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she said, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything baby. Now how does that sound?"
He says, "Oh my God ... That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Hello Willie

An old fella was celebrating 92 years on this earth!

He spoke to his toes. "Hello toes!" he said. "How are you? You know, you are 92 Today. Oh the times we've had! Remember we walked on the park in the summer every Sunday Afternoon. The times we waltzed on the dance Floor? Happy Birthday toes!"

"Hello, knees," he continued.
"How are you? You know you're 92 today.

Oh, the times we've had! Remember when we marched in the parade? Oh, the hurdles we've jumped together. Happy Birthday, knees."

Then, he looked down at his crotch.
"Hello Willie! You little bugger. Just think. If you were alive today, you'd be 92!

Monday, August 02, 2010


After an excitingly hot 69 position with his girlfriend, Jerry remembered
he had a dentist appointment. He was afraid that the dentist would smel
pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times, used dental floss 8
times and after that gargled with 1 bottle of Listerine.

As he arrived at the dentist he sucked 2 strong mints. His turn came up &
the dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed, Jerry
opened his mouth wide. The dentist got close enough & said, "Man, did you
have 69 before you came here"? "Why"? Jerry asked, "Does my breath
smell like pussy"?

"No" The dentist replied, "Your forehead smells like shit."