Black Panties

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the dating world. Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom I have someone for you to meet." Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont .. Their first night there, she undressed as he did There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday suit.. Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?" She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning." He knew he was not getting lucky that night. The following night was the same-- she stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit-- but now he was wearing a black condom .. She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?" He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences"

The Towel

An elderly Jewish gentleman marries a much younger woman. No matter
what he does sexually, the wife never achieves orgasm. Since a
Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi.
The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and made the following
suggestion: 'Hire a strapping young man. Whil e the two of you are making
love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife
fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.'
They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome
young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't
help and she is still unsatisfied.
Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi. 'Okay,' he says to the husband,
'let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your
wife and you wave the towel over them.'
Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into
bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man
gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous,
room-shaking, earsplitting screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly:


'You see, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!'

Dilemma

Dilemma of Don't Ask, Don't Tell Well, Obama recently signed the bill that allows gays to serve openly in the Military. No more don't ask don't tell. But what he has really done is cause confusion in the ranks that could easily cost Marine lives. This is what can now happen!! You know that Marines are trained to immediately obey orders. So imagine ...................... You're a Marine in a combat situation, the enemy is firing at you, and running toward your position. The guy next to you is openly gay. Then your Squad Leader yells out.......... "Shoot the cocksucker!" Do you see the confusion here?

Floss

My dentist sends me photos from time to time as a reminder.

Don't Forget To Floss!

The Agony of Dyslexia

After Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my dyslexic friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You idiot! You're supposed to turn your clock back!"