Joe and Mike

Two buddies, Joe and Mike, are getting very drunk at a bar when
suddenly Mike throws up all over himself.

'Oh, no. Now Jane will kill me!' Joe says, 'Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket, tell her that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.' So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually Mike rolls into home and Jane starts to give him a bad time. 'You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself!
My God, you're disgusting!' Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, Mike says, 'Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin! Itsh snot wha jew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks.

But thisss other guy got sssick on me... he had one too many and he juss couldin hold hizz liquor. He said he was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!' Jane looks in the breast pocket and says, 'But this is forty bucks.' 'Oh, yeah... I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too.'