The Lawler

A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the driver's door.

Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing.

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"

"OH, MY GOD!!!" screamed the lawyer.


(keep reading)


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"My Rolex!"

Auto Trader

History of the Condom

Interesting piece of history...

In 1872 the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

You had to ask

Doctor asks pregnant prostitute.. "do you know who the father is?"

"For f.... sakes ,if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?"

Purchasing or Leasing - which is better?

Many people ask their accountant which is cheaper - purchasing or leasing?

We'd like to help you decide by illustrating two charming stories of foolish men and cunning women.

Purchasing

The maths on the Paul McCartney - Heather Mills divorce is as follows:

After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million.

Assuming he had sex with her every night during their 5
year relationship, it ended up with him purchasing her @ $26,849 per time.

This is Heather...

Leasing

On the other hand, New York Governor Eliot Spitzer's
favourite hooker, Kristen charged $4,000 per night.

This is Kristen...

So, had Paul McCartney "employed" Kristen for 5
years @ $4,000 per night, he would have paid only $7.3 million in total
for sex every night .

This represents a $41.7 million savings. What a shrewd cocksman Eliot is, compared to the ageing
Beatle.

Further valuable benefits of this Leasing option are;

* a (real) 22 year old

* no need for coaxing / pleading / begging

* never a headache

* happily agrees to all technical requests

* no complaining

* no “Honey - please do this” lists

* has two legs

Best of all, she leaves and returns when asked.

All 1/7th the cost and no legal fees.


Sometimes Leasing just makes more sense.....

This should be taken seriously!!!

Alcohol Labels Just Like Cigarettes

Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the following
Warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
What the hell happened to your bra and panties.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you
Are whispering when you are not.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
Like a retard.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
Friends over and over again that you love them.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you
Can sing.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-
Lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
Logically converse with members of the opposite s*x without spitting.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
You are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think
People are laughing WITH you.
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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in
Getting your as* kicked..